Not being married at this time in your life doesn’t make you any less a woman. It doesn’t reduce the worth given to you by Allaah. You can only marry at Allah’s appointed time for you. What is required of you is to be true to yourself & your values.
Why worry over what you can’t change? You cannot marry yourself nor can you give out yourself for marriage. Why worry over something that is not under your control? Even worse, why rush into any marriage just because you want to get married? Don’t settle for less. Choose your priorities rightly. Some settle for fame, & it crashes. Some settle for just wealth, & it crashes. Some settle for lineage, & it crashes. Your priority? Someone who ll fear God in dealing with your affairs & is morally upright. This is a prophetic suggestion. Marry a Muslim man that is sound in his Islam; by which he will deal with you exactly how Allaah orders him to. Someone who is morally reputable, will respect you, honor you, respect your parent & honor them. Someone who ll never forget your goods bcos of old age or time.
Remember the conversation that took place between Ummuna Aisha (RA) & our Prophet (SAW). One day, Ummuna Aisha said to the Noble Prophet, “Ya Rasoolallah, why do you always preoccupied with the mention or thoughts of Khadijah (RA) even at death, while Allah (SWT) Has substituted for you a younger & prettier wife (referring to herself)”. Immediately, the Prophet (SAW) said to Ummuna Aisha (RA): By Allaah, He has not substituted for me her place oh Aisha. She was someone who believed in me when everybody disbelieved with me. She encouraged me when I was overwhelmed. She supported me with her wealth in propagating Islam when everyone cut me off….
What prompted this conversation was, Ummuna Aisha (RA) saw how the Prophet (SAW) would respect & treat even the friends of his late wife, Ummuna Khadijah (RA). He will greet them when they pass by, even send gifts to them & so on.
Marry someone that will respect you while you’re alive or dead. Someone that sees your parent as his parent, your brothers as his brothers, your sisters as his sisters. Do not rush into a marriage you’re sure won’t last forever.
It isn’t an honor that you are dating many men. You know you can’t marry them all. It isn’t one also that you display your nakedness on social media because you want to seek attention. While that sure can’t give you a husband, it sure will invite Allah’s anger on you. The honor of a woman is everything. She is a treasure with which life can’t be without, created in a very distinct nature of feminine, gentle, bashful, reticent, & reserved manner. Immediately she let down any of those, for societal pressure or anything, she looses & the society takes advantage of her. Our lives are as delicate as we all are as humans. We have our ups & downs. We have our highs & lows. We have our good & bad. We can’t be happy all the time even if we wish to be. We must learn to appreciate whatever we have & work/pray for the better.
A divorce isn’t a curse. It isn’t something that God dislikes, because he made it lawful. Sometimes, it is better than an abusive marriage. It is better than living in bondage, & that is why the Shariah even permits a woman to seek for a legal divorce from the courts when there are abuses in the marriage or she no longer is interested in the marriage. Infact, the judge can force a man to divorce a wife if there is harm or abuse in the marriage. This isn’t necessarily physical harm, but even emotional harm that may lead to depression or worse.
Being a divorcee doesn’t make you less a woman by an inch. Majority of the wives of the Prophet (SAW) were widows or divorcees. Ummuna Hafsa (RA) was for instance a widow, Ummuna Sawdah bnt Zam’a (RA) was a divorcee, & so on. It is a phase Allah Has designed for you. Live it.
If there is anything, the society we live in has been unfair to unmarried ladies. As fathers, brothers, uncles, friends & cousins, we should be able to assuage our women, young & old. We should not be part of the problem if we cannot be a solution to it.
“And you will not, unless (it be) that Allah wills, the Lord of the ‘Alamin (mankind, jinns and all that exists).
(Surah At-Takwir, verse 29).
BS: There’s nothing wrong if a woman requires that you must be able to feed her, clothe & give her what is essential in life before she marries you. That isn’t materialism. It necessary. Even when Ali Ibn Talib (RA) came looking for the hand of Fatimah (RA)’s hand in marriage,
The Noble Prophet (SAW) asked Ali Ibn Abi Taalib (RA) to bring some money, which would be used in providing her the what is needed in the house. Some scholars said this was in addition to the Mahr (dowry). Some said this was the dowry, & Ali (RA) had to go sell his shield 🛡,the one he uses for protection in the event of a war & use the money to marry.
There is also the Hadith of
Abu Bakr bin Abu Jahm bin Sukhair Al-Adawi, who said: “I heard Fathima bint Qais say: ‘The Messenger of Allah said to me: “When you become lawful, tell me.” So I told him.’
Then Muawiyah, Abu Jahm bin Sukhair & Usamah bin Zaid (Radi-Allahu Anhum) proposed marriage to her. The Messenger of Allah said: ‘As for Muawiyah, he is a poor man who has no money. As from Abu Jahm he is a man who habitually beats woman. But Usamah (is good).’She gestured with her hand, saying: ‘Usamah, Usamah!?’ The Messenger of Allah said to her: ‘Obedience to Allah and obedience to His Messenger is better for you.’ She said: ‘So I married him and I was pleased with him.'”
Sahih Hadith, Sunan Ibn Majah.
However, the Prophet (SAW) didn’t recommend for her someone just for his health, however he recommends someone, someone who has a means of feeding her & other necessities as much as he can. While you should consider a man who can provide you, at least the necessities of life.
Do not marry just for wealth.💑
© Saleemat Mamman
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